Back in the day (high school, mid-80s, Phoenix), my friend Mark Macumber was a riot with the elephant jokes. Now he's a doctor in Chicago — and he may still be a riot. I haven't seen him since graduation all those years ago.

Well, the years passed, but my sister and I never forgot Mark's hilarious telling of those elephant jokes, one after the other after the other.

So ... I finally remembered to look for them on the vast information resource that is the Google. And now, for your amusement and pleasure, as many elephant jokes as I could track down. For best effect, have a precocious 6-year-old recite them, one after another, as rapid-fire as possible.

Basic Elephant Jokes

Intermediate Elephant Jokes

Advanced Elephant Jokes

Still More Elephant Jokes

Technically, the jokes below are really riddles, in the traditional Q & A format. If you're looking for joke-jokes, with setup and punch line, visit the Canonical List of Elephant Jokes.


Basic Elephant Jokes                                                                                             Back to Top

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: “Look, a herd of elephants in the distance.”

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants, all wearing sunglasses?
A: Nothing. He doesn’t recognize them.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.

Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: “Look! A herd of plums in the distance.” (Jane is color blind.)

Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini Cooper?
A: Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How do you get five elephants into a Mini Cooper?
A: Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

Q: What game do five elephants in a Mini Cooper play?
A: Squash.

Q: What did the fifth elephant in the Mini Cooper discover?
A: The sun roof.

Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a Mini Cooper?
A: None, the elephants are in there!

Q: The Lion, king of the jungle, gathered all the animals for a meeting; all of them showed up except for the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the Mini Cooper.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off.

Q: What was the elephant doing on the highway?
A: About 5 mph.

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: How do you know if an elephant is in the pub?
A: Its bike is leaning against the wall outside.

Q: How do you know if two elephants are in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the crossbar.

Q: How do you know if three elephants are in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: So they can sneak across a pool table without being seen.

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert Tarzan.
4. Close door.

Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: You can hear Tarzan scream, “OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO from inside the fridge.”

Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can’t, silly. There is only one Tarzan!

Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
A: The door won
t close.

Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: By the footprints in the Jell-o.

Q: How do you know there are five elephants in your fridge?
A: There
s a Mini Cooper parked next to it.

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: The fridge isn
t large enough to hold them all.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.

Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.


Intermediate Elephant Jokes                                                                              Back to Top

Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A: So you don
t see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.

Q: How can you tell when there’s an elephant in the custard?
A: By the lumps.

Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.

Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him “lunch.”

Q: How do you shoot a purple elephant?
A: With a purple elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a white elephant?
A: Jump on its back, choke it till it turns purple, then shoot it with a purple elephant gun.

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.

Q: So why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four — two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be ridiculous – everybody knows elephants can't change light bulbs.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q: How do you make an elephant float?
A: Take 2 scoops of ice cream, a banana, some whipped cream. Add one elephant . . .

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait 50 years.

Q: What if you dont want to wait 50 years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isnt it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: Because that
s when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: To hide in cherry trees.

Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Picking cherries.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming ducks.

Q: Why are elephants’ feet shaped that way?
A: So they will fit on lily pads.

Q: Why isnt it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That
s when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.

Q: Why are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.


Advanced Elephant Jokes                                                                                   Back to Top

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: 5 o’clock (Trick question — not “Time to get a new fence.”)

Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They’re all on the same team.

Q: How do you know there’s an elephant in your bed?
A: He has a big “E” on his pajama pocket.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant! Deadant! Deadant! (To be sung to the tune of the theme from The Pink Panther).

Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
A: He stamped it to death and then said “Deadant! Deadant! Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!”

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?
A: A dead ant.

Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.

Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts

Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!

Q: What’s grey and puts out forest fires
A: Smokey the Elephant.

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing — peanuts can't talk.

Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby’s forehead!

Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.

Q: Why do elephants float down the river on their backs?
A: So they won’t get their tennis shoes wet.

Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a pickle?
A: Their color of course!

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia.

Q: What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A: Cold ones.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they’d look silly carrying suitcases.

Q: What is convenient and weighs 19,000 pounds?
A: An elephant six-pack.

Q: What is the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
A: About 3,000 miles.

Q: What do elephants take when they get hysterical?
A: Trunkquilizers.

Q: How do elephants stay in touch with each other?
A: By `elephone.

Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?
A: For carrying their library cards.

Q: What is grey, has large wings, a long nose, and gives money to elephants?
A: The Tusk Fairy.

Q: Where do elephants with skincare problems go?
A: Pachydermatologists.

Q: What’s red & white on the outside, and grey on the inside?
A: Campbell’s Cream of Elephant Soup.


Still More Elephant Jokes                                                                                    Back to Top

Q: How do you raise baby elephants?
A: With a crane.

Q: How can you recognize an elephant in disguise?
A: By the smell of peanuts on its breath.

Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been sitting on your bed?
A: By the smell of peanuts and the wrinkles in the bedspread.

Q: How can you tell there’s an elephant under your bed?
A: Because you’re nearly touching the ceiling.

Q: How can you tell if there’s an elephant in your sandwich?
A: It’s too heavy to lift off the plate.

Q: How can you tell there’s still an elephant still in your fridge?
A: Because you can't shut the door.

Q: How can you tell there’s an elephant locked in your pantry?
A: You can hear it trumpeting to get out.

Q: How did ducks get flat feet?
A: From trying to teach elephants to dance.

Q: How did elephants get such long noses?
A: By playing tug of war with crocodiles.

Q: How did the elephant stop a cold from going to its chest?
A: He tied a knot in his trunk.

Q: How do elephants dive into swimming pools?
A: Headfirst.

Q: How do elephants find each other in the dark?
A: Delightful.

Q: How do elephants have baths?
A: They take their trunks off.

Q: What does an elephant do before it takes a bath?
A: It puts its toes in first.

Q: How do elephants smell without their trunks?
A: Awful!

Q: How do you get an elephant out of the bath?
A: Pull the plug out.

Q: How do elephants travel?
A: By ‛elecopter.

Q: How do you know that peanuts are good for elephants’ eyesight?
A: Have you ever seen an elephant with glasses?

Q: How do you catch an elephant?
A: Make a noise like a peanut.

Q: If that doesnt work, how else can you catch an elephant?
A: Put a peanut on the end of a fishing rod.

Q: How do you disguise an elephant?
A: Give him a moustache and dark glasses.

Q: How do you get a tablecloth out from under an elephant?
A: Wait for the elephant to get up.

Q: How do you get an elephant into a match-box?
A: Take all the matches out first.

Q: How do you get an elephant into a phone booth?
A: Open the door.

Q: How do you get an elephant through a small door?
A: Unless he goes on a diet, you don’t!

Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't get down from elephants; you get it from ducks.

Q: How do you get rid of an old elephant?
A: Put it in your yard sale.

Q: How do you hire an elephant?
A: Put a brick under each foot.

Q: How do you keep an elephant from smelling?
A: Tie a knot in his trunk.

Q: How do you know peanuts are fattening?
A: Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?

Q: How do you make a banana laugh?
A: Tell it an elephant joke.

Q: How do you make an elephant fly?
A: Buy it an airline ticket.

Q: How do you make an elephant laugh?
A: Tickle its ivories.

Q: How do you make an elephant sandwich?
A: First of all you get a VERY big loaf of bread . . .

Q: How do you make an elephant sit up and beg?
A: Wave a peanut under its trunk.

Q: How do you make an elephant stew?
A: Keep it waiting for 2 hours.

Q: How do you recognize elephants in a swimming pool?
A: They're the ones with the grey trunks.

Q: How do you run over an elephant?
A: Climb up its tail, dash to its head, and slide down its trunk.

Q: How do you scold an elephant?
A: Say “Tusk, tusk.”

Q: How do you stop an elephant getting through the eye of a needle?
A: Tie a knot in his tail.

Q: How do you tell an elephant from a monster?
A: A monster never remembers.

Q: How do zoo animals greet each other?
A: “Hi Ena!” and “Ello Phant!”

Q: How is an elephant like a brick?
A: Neither can climb trees.

Q: How is an elephant like a grape?
A: They’re both purple, except for the elephant.

Q: How long should an elephant’s legs be?
A: Long enough to reach the ground.

Q: How many elephants can you get into an empty cupboard?
A: Only one; after that, it isn’t empty!

Q: How many elephants can you get in a hammerfor?
A: What’s a hammerfor?
A: Banging in nails!